Dear Husbands: Try.

If you do a google search on marriage blogs today, most of them are run by and directed towards women. And it’s great that there are so many resources out there to help wives in their relationships with their husbands, but…

What you don’t find are many blogs or articles directed towards the man in the marriage. Why is that? I mean, half of any good marriage involves a man, right?

I get worried when I see that reality. Generally speaking, women are expected to work on and improve their marriages while the men just sit by and let them do all the changing without any effort on their part. Women seem to be the ones worried about improving their relationship with their man, while he doesn’t seem that concerned – especially if those concerns are never shared.

Women are supposed to submit, submit, submit and everything will be better. That’s what is often preached in our pulpits and lectured in our women’s circles. And while I am a believer in wives submitting to their husbands (another post for another time), there is a lot more to that than just giving in to their every whim.

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Men, you need to try. The same verse that talks about wives submitting also commands – COMMANDS  – men to love their wives. Last I checked, love requires maintenance and sacrifice and effort. It isn’t just a “once and done” concept.

Ephesians 5:25 says, “ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

Since Christ’s relationships are perfect, and He is the model for what a husband should look like, every relationship can use improvement. Nothing is perfect when humans are involved. Converse with your wife. Find out what is on her heart and really listen without thinking you need to bring a solution to the table.

Show her she is loved. Cherish her and respect her. If she needs a break, give it to her. If she needs comfort, hug the woman. Get to know what she needs from you. Let her know you do care about her and make it apparent to her.

Saying “I do” and leaving it at that is not enough. Love needs to be expressed every day in some way. It involves getting to know your wife better. If you have neglected her, it may take some time, but I guarantee if you put in consistent effort, it will pay off later.

Buy her flowers today. For no reason whatsoever. Watch her reaction. It will say a lot about where you stand as a couple. She may be shocked or angry. She may cry tears of joy. She may act like no big deal. (It is.) If you are really paying attention, that simple act can show you what you need to work on in the love department.

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Let’s stop assuming that the wife is at fault when a marriage flounders, and let’s look at both sides for a change. Oftentimes, we women become convinced that our guys don’t care be cause they act like they don’t care.

I submit to you men today: CARE. Show your wife you care about her and your marriage. Let her know that you “still do” today. Read a book or article on how to be a better husband. Study the Scriptures above all else. Whatever you do, do not just assume everything is fine because there is no crisis. Put in the work. You’ll be glad in the long run.

That is all.

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